[PODCAST] No Benefits for Alcohol

The latest Steve N Allen (almost) Daily is up. This one is called No Benefits for Alcohol, which is the sort of headline that makes the nation reach for a drink and then think better of it. Plus the other news nuggets that would not sit still long enough for a newspaper column. If you like your policy with a hangover and a punchline, have a listen. If you would rather stay on the official side of the bar, Amazon will sell you alcohol-free beer. It will not settle the benefits argument. It will at least look like a pint. Have a listen below. If the player misbehaves, the same episode is on Spotify, Apple and the usual suspects. Watch on YouTube, read the Substack, email me@mrstevenallen.co.uk, or tip the host on Ko-fi if the dry news left you feeling generous. » Listen on Spotify  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 24 September 2026 | 1:56 pm

Three Hundred and Seventy-Five Thousand Pounds of Democracy

Here we are in Bedford, where Labour wanted a referendum on abolishing the elected mayor, the chamber said no, and the monitoring officer named the price. Bedford has had a directly elected mayor since a referendum twenty-four years ago. The current one is Tom Wootton, Conservative, in post since 2023. Labour’s motion was to let residents decide if the model should go and a leader-and-cabinet take its place, the way Luton and Central Bedfordshire already do. Councillors were told the poll would cost about £375,000 across twenty-eight wards, plus officer time. Sixteen voted for it. Twenty-four voted against. Four Conservatives abstained, which is the civic equivalent of leaving the room to take a call that never comes. The mayor’s point was simple. He had not seen Bedford marching through the streets demanding a ballot. A petition existed. It had 171 verified signatures. The statutory threshold to force a referendum is 6,940, which is five per cent of the electorate. That is not a rounding error. That is the difference between a Facebook group and a mandate. Independent councillor Doug McMurdo called the timing ill-thought-out. We cannot afford it, he said, which is the most Bedford sentence available when the alternative is a very expensive conversation about a chain. I have some sympathy with reviewing the furniture. Models of local government should not be sacred just because they are old. I have less sympathy with spending the best part of four hundred thousand pounds to discover what a petition of 171 already told you. If the public really wanted the mayor gone, they would have found the other 6,769 names. They found the energy for a lot of other arguments this year. They did not find this one. If you are founding a breakaway parish with a ceremonial chain of your own, Amazon will sell you a mayor’s chain. It will not cost £375,000. It will not require a monitoring officer. It will look slightly more official than a clipboard. Britain is very good at this. We will pay almost anything for a consultation except the bit where we notice nobody asked for one. Remember that the next time a councillor says the public deserve a say. Sometimes the public already said it, quietly, by not signing. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 24 September 2026 | 5:11 am

The Plymouth Pongs

There are certain things you expect a British city to survey. Parking. Bins. Whether the new benches should be green or a slightly different green. What you do not expect is an official consultation on whether the air smells of eggs. And yet here we are in Plymouth, where people in Plympton and Cattedown have been living with what they call the pongs, and the council has now asked them to write it down. The source, residents say, is South West Water’s Marsh Mills wastewater works. The smell has been around for years. They say it got worse when the new town of Sherford started sending its business the same way. One mother in Cattedown says it is usually every morning. An independent councillor in Plympton says people are selling up. If you sleep with the window open, it gets into the curtains. That is not a lifestyle choice. That is a utility with a personality. Plymouth City Council’s answer is a survey, so it can “better understand the location, frequency and impact.” Then the findings go to a scrutiny panel, and South West Water is invited to a meeting. This is how Britain treats a smell. First we live with it. Then we map it. Then we invite the people who make it to explain, in a committee room that does not smell of eggs, why the committee room does not smell of eggs. I have some sympathy. Waste has to go somewhere, and new houses have to flush. I have less sympathy for a process that treats “it stinks” as a data gap. You do not need a heat map of hydrogen sulphide to know that a street should not greet you like a bag of forgotten salad. House prices will do the mapping for you, just more slowly and with more estate agents. If you are holding the line until the scrutiny panel convenes, Amazon will sell you air freshener. It will not fix Marsh Mills. It will at least pretend the living room has a different opinion. I do not expect the survey to surprise anyone who has a nose. I do expect a report that says the problem is complex, the works are essential, and residents should keep feeding in their lived experience. Lived experience, in this case, is the smell of eggs at breakfast. Remember that the next time a water company says it is listening. It usually means it has booked a room. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 23 September 2026 | 9:55 am

The Roundabout That Nobody Commissioned

There are certain things you expect to find in the middle of a Stratford-upon-Avon roundabout. Cones. A discarded Greggs bag doing laps. What you do not expect is a piece of public art that has been hit by a car and then abandoned by every official who might reasonably own a screwdriver. And yet here we are. The Armillary Sphere on Banbury Road is still standing, two months after the crash, with its steel bands bent like a paperclip that lost an argument. Warwickshire County Council says it looks after the road, not the sculpture, and had “no involvement in the commissioning, delivery or installation.” Stratford District Council is “currently investigating” and “exploring the options,” which is council-speak for a long meeting and a short conclusion. They hope to recover the cost from the driver’s insurer. A former mayor has pointed out that a lot of people never wanted the thing in the first place. When it went up in 2009, paid for from a developer pot of about £100,000, a petition to take it down gathered 1,183 signatures. It stayed. It has now been improved by a Ford. This is the British way with public art. First we argue about whether it is art. Then we argue about whether it is public. Then a Vauxhall settles the aesthetic debate and we argue about the invoice. Nobody is against spheres, exactly. Nobody is for a four-figure welding job that might turn out to belong to a department that was abolished in 2011 and reconstituted as a strategy. I have some sympathy. A roundabout is a hostile environment for anything with feelings, including motorists. I have less sympathy for three organisations in a room, each holding a folder marked “not us.” If your Arts Strategy of 2005 can birth a sphere, it ought to be able to admit the sphere exists when it gets a dent. If you are restoring your own household armillary sphere, Amazon will sell you metal epoxy. It will not decide which council writes the cheque. It will at least pretend to be a solution. I do not expect Shakespeare’s town to unbend this quickly. I do expect the sphere to remain a conversation piece, which is what public art is for, just not usually because a bumper got there first. Remember that the next time a press officer says they are exploring options. It means the sculpture is still crooked, and so is the organogram. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 22 September 2026 | 3:14 pm

[PODCAST] King v Earl

The latest Steve N Allen (almost) Daily is up. This one is called King v Earl, which is the sort of fixture Britain still puts on the fixture list even when the rest of the week is on fire. Plus the other news nuggets that would not sit still long enough for a newspaper column. If you like your headlines with a coronet and a grievance, have a listen. If you would rather settle the matter over a brew, Amazon will sell you a teapot. It will not decide who outranks whom. It will at least be warm. Have a listen below. If the player misbehaves, the same episode is on Spotify, Apple and the usual suspects. Watch on YouTube, read the Substack, email me@mrstevenallen.co.uk, or tip the host on Ko-fi if the peerage news left you feeling generous. » Listen on Spotify  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 21 September 2026 | 3:35 am

Fines for Flags

There was a time when the great municipal panics of Britain involved a sofa in a canal or a wheelie bin left out on the wrong Tuesday. Now several councils in the West of England are looking at High Court injunctions so that anyone who ties a flag to a lamp-post can be fined, sent to prison, or have their assets seized. Not because the flag is illegal. Because the furniture belongs to the council, and the council is tired. Bristol says it has spent about £50,000 taking flags off lamp-posts and railings. That figure does not include the officer hours spent driving out, filling in forms and answering emails about bunting. Somerset puts its bill at a more modest £2,900. Oxfordshire already has the court order. Bristol is considering the same. Breach it, and you are not in a debate about patriotism. You are in contempt. I have no brief for people who treat a lighting column like a flagpole they forgot to buy. I also have no brief for a legal machine that escalates from “please don’t” to “we may take your car” because a St George cross has been cable-tied to a pole. Fifty thousand pounds is a lot of money to spend proving you own a lamp-post. You could resurface a side street for that. You could buy a lot of actual flagpoles and put them where flags are supposed to go. The official line is safety, street furniture and cost recovery. Fair enough. A flag in the wrong place is a maintenance job. A High Court injunction is a personality. Once you have one, every cable tie becomes a test of the realm. The people putting the flags up think they are making a point. The people taking them down think they are enforcing a duty. Both sides will now get a barrister, which is how Britain settles an argument about a lamp. If you would rather fly something on your own property, Amazon will sell you Union Jack bunting. It will not need a cherry-picker. It will not generate a fifty-grand invoice. It will look a bit like a street party, which is what flags used to be for. I do not expect this to end with everyone calmly using a proper pole. I do expect another council to announce that it has spent a small fortune defending a piece of metal from a piece of cloth. Remember that the next time someone says local government is only trying to keep the streets tidy. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 21 September 2026 | 3:24 am

Ninety-Eight Centimetres of War

Here we are again. There are certain things you expect a county council to spend three years on. A bypass. A pothole that has achieved heritage status. What you do not expect is a legal war over a 98 centimetre gap in a garden wall in Matlock. And yet here we are. Helene Ball, 81, who has lived on George Road since 1967, has just won. The council cemented a metal fence panel across the gate her family had used since the sixties. A tribunal has now said, in the calm language of people who bill by the hour, that she had a right of way all along. Derbyshire County Council did this in April 2023 because the car park on the other side was going up for sale as a small housing site. Block the gap, tidy the asset, hope the retired teacher gets bored. She did not. The fence panel came out within a year. The vehicle access did not. For the rest of the fight she was left threading a route the council later marked with concrete blocks, which is the civic equivalent of being invited back to the party and asked to sit on a breeze block. The judge, Robert Brown, found some of the council’s evidence surprisingly combative, totally irrelevant and most unhelpful. That is legal-speak for “please stop.” Costs: £50,000, to be paid by the council, which has declined to say what the whole performance actually cost. Helene, a retired teacher of nine, ten and eleven-year-olds, said she never expected the council to act so babyish. When a woman who has marked spelling tests for a living calls your strategy childish, you should sit down. I do not doubt that car parks need selling and housing needs building. I do doubt that the fastest route there is to concrete someone into their own garden and then argue about the 1960s. If your official process is a metal panel and a three-year wait, people will invent a smaller, louder one and take it to a tribunal. They have. A right of way is now written down. The gap is a gap again. If your own wall is feeling insecure, Amazon will sell you a wooden garden gate. It will not stop a council with a sale board. It will at least be a gate, which is more than Matlock was offered for a while. Britain is very good at this. We can map a county to the nearest centimetre and still lose a decade arguing about a hole in a wall. Ninety-eight centimetres. Remember that the next time a press officer says they were only trying to be helpful. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 20 September 2026 | 4:06 am

[PODCAST] How to End the Drought

The latest Steve N Allen (almost) Daily is up. This one is called How to End the Drought, which is a bold title for a country that treats a hosepipe ban as both a national emergency and a personality test. Plus the other news nuggets that would not sit still long enough for a newspaper column. If your lawn has gone the colour of a Rich Tea and you are still waiting for a minister to invent rain, have a listen. If you would rather take matters into your own hands, Amazon will sell you a watering can. It will not end the drought. It will make you look busy. Have a listen below. If the player misbehaves, the same episode is on Spotify, Apple and the usual suspects. Watch on YouTube, read the Substack, email me@mrstevenallen.co.uk, or tip the host on Ko-fi if the dry spell has left you feeling generous. » Listen on Spotify  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 17 September 2026 | 6:41 am

The Council That Missed by a Whisker

There are certain things you expect a district council to fall out with Whitehall over. Bin collections. A bypass that has been “imminent” since the Silver Jubilee. What you do not expect is a High Court case about seven tenths of one per cent. And yet here we are, in Worcestershire, where Wychavon has been told it is “not delivering” because 10.7% of its refused housing schemes later won on appeal. The official limit is 10%. The difference is the sort of margin you would ignore on a bathroom scale and then think about for the rest of the day. The punishment, handed down in June, stripped councillors of the right to vote on big planning applications. Officers decide instead. The council calls this outrageous. The Ministry of Housing, Communities and Local Government says it wants homes and infrastructure built quicker for local people, which is government speak for “please stop saying no.” A two-day hearing is booked for December. Wychavon wants a precedent. Whitehall wants houses. The lawyers want lunch. The council’s argument is that the government used the wrong window. Look at the year to March, they say, and the figure drops to 5.2%. Use that, and they are model pupils. Use 2023 to 2025, and they are rogues by the width of a planning notice. It is the civic version of being banned from the pub because of a round you bought two summers ago. Fair enough, the country needs homes. Fair enough, some planning committees treat every new roof as a personal insult. But taking the vote away from elected people because a statistic wobbled over a line drawn at a nice round ten is the sort of precision that makes your brain itch. We cannot find a dentist, but we can measure Worcestershire to one decimal place. If you are founding a breakaway planning committee of your own, Amazon will sell you a gavel. It will not restore your scheme of delegation. It will make a nice noise when the 10.7 comes in. I do not expect the judges to settle the housing crisis in two days in December. I do expect someone to leave court explaining that 10.7 is basically 10 if you squint. Britain has always been good at this: when the official process feels deaf, we invent a smaller, louder one and give it a barrister. Point seven of a per cent. Remember that the next time a minister says they are only asking you to play your part. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 17 September 2026 | 6:34 am

[Vid] Almost Nightly: Grounded, Tackled, Banned

The latest live stream is up, and it is the usual pile-up of British news that would not wait its turn. In this one: UK flights cancelled, a flasher tackled, and someone mili-banned. Plus the other headlines that wandered into the studio and refused to leave. If you were one of the hundreds of thousands staring at a departure board that had given up, this is your recap with jokes attached. If you would rather stay grounded on purpose, Amazon will sell you a neck pillow for the next time Nats has a technical moment. Watch the stream below. If the player sulks, the same video is on YouTube at youtube.com/@mrstevenallen. Tip the host on Ko-fi if the cancelled-flight energy feels familiar. » Watch on YouTube  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 17 September 2026 | 5:58 am

Pulse of the Nation

There was a time when the great battles of the school dinner were about whether you had to eat the skin on the custard. Now the Department for Education has decided the real crisis is deep fat. Not the kitchens that still look like 1987. Not the twelve year old who can smell a Greggs from the ring road. No. The menace is a chip that has met oil. This is, we are told, the biggest shake-up of school food in England in more than a decade. From September 2027, primary schools will have to serve pulses such as lentils and chickpeas with a main meal at least once a week. Deep fried food is out. Chips may remain, but only if they have been baked, which is the culinary equivalent of being invited to a party and then sat in the hallway. Cake drops to once a week in primary and twice in secondary, and it must arrive with fruit, as if a slice of sponge becomes a vitamin the moment an orange sits next to it. Breakfast clubs get their first proper rules too. Fried eggs and pastries off the menu. Cereals face a sugar cap, which is government speak for Coco Pops having a quiet word with HR. Schools must publish their menus online. Lucy Powell called the changes once in a generation. That is a lot of weight for a chickpea to carry. The idea is simple. A third of children leave primary school overweight. Tooth decay is still the main reason five to nine year olds end up in hospital. Fair enough. Nobody is campaigning for more waffles as public policy. But compulsory lentils have the same energy as banning biscuits for adults. It sounds noble. The only guaranteed outcome is a thriving black market in smuggled sausage rolls and a generation who can spot a pulse at twenty paces and walk the other way. Ministers promise the meals will be exciting. Schools minister Georgia Gould even said lentils are tasty, which is the sort of sentence that should be stress tested on a Year 8 before it leaves the building. If you would like to practise the new national dish at home, Amazon will sell you a kilo of red split lentils. I do not doubt the fibre figures. I do doubt that a baked chip and a published menu will fix what happens after half three, when the same child meets a corner shop. Still, at least we have a timetable. Primaries first. Secondaries by 2028. Plenty of time for the lentil to become a personality, and for the rest of us to remember that we once survived school dinners that were brown, wet, and somehow still called stew. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 17 September 2026 | 5:47 am

[PODCAST] Tom Cruise Knows He’s Annoying

The latest Steve N Allen (almost) Daily is up, and it is the usual mix of the important, the royal and the slightly unhinged. In this one: the UK pension is failing, a prince saves Dartmoor, Tom Cruise knows he is annoying, and AI needs a kill switch. Plus the other news nuggets that would not sit still long enough for a newspaper column. If you have ever watched a Mission: Impossible press tour and thought, yes, that man is aware of the effect he is having, this episode is for you. If you would rather rewind to when he was merely hanging off a plane, Amazon still has Top Gun: Maverick. Have a listen below. If the player misbehaves, the same episode is on Spotify, Apple and the usual suspects. Watch on YouTube, read the Substack, email me@mrstevenallen.co.uk, or tip the host on Ko-fi if the pension news left you feeling generous. » Listen on Spotify  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 16 September 2026 | 11:22 am

Piddington Leaves the UK (Sort Of)

There are certain things you expect a British village to vote on. The colour of the new benches. Whether the fete tombola can include homemade gin. What you don’t expect is a referendum on leaving the United Kingdom. And yet here we are, in a place called Piddington, which has just declared itself a principality with the sort of confidence normally reserved for people who’ve had two pints and found a laminator. Residents of the Oxfordshire village, population about 350, were invited to post a slip in a box outside the village hall. The question was whether Piddington should secede from the UK. Of 312 votes, 285 said yes, 26 said no, and one person spoiled the paper, which is the most British form of diplomacy available when you can’t decide between rage and a sit-down. The spark is a Home Office plan to house up to 1,256 male asylum seekers at nearby MoD Bicester. That’s roughly four proposed residents for every villager, or, if you prefer the official version, a site “designed to be largely self-sufficient to minimise any impact on the local community.” Which is government-speak for “please stop looking at the numbers.” There is, of course, no legal mechanism for a parish council to leave the country. You can’t opt out of Britain the way you opt out of a gym membership, though plenty of us have tried both and still get the emails. The vote is symbolic. That hasn’t stopped a “Principality of Piddington” sign appearing on the boundary, which is how all the best micronations start: with laminated card and a very firm tone of voice. That hasn’t stopped a “Principality of Piddington” sign appearing on the boundary, which is how all the best micronations start: with laminated card and a very firm tone of voice. If you are founding a breakaway state before tea, Amazon will sell you the laminator. Culture Secretary Lisa Nandy told breakfast television the government would not reconsider. Fair enough. If every village that objected to a planning decision got its own foreign office, we’d have more ambassadors than buses, and the buses still wouldn’t come. Still, you have to admire the commitment. They’ve got a campaign song. They’ve got a pennant. They’re “the village that roars,” apparently, which is a lot to live up to when the next item on the parish agenda is probably the grit bin. Britain has always been good at this: when the official process feels deaf, we invent a smaller, louder one and give it a flag. I don’t expect the UN to be taking calls from Piddington this afternoon. But in a week of inflation figures and “challenging” budgets, there is something very us about a village-hall box, a 92 per cent turnout, and the quiet hope that if you print the word Principality big enough, someone in Whitehall might finally look up. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 16 September 2026 | 10:40 am

Banning Kids (from the Internet)

There was a time when the great moral panics of Britain involved things like video nasties, satanic messages hidden in rock albums, or whether showing an ankle on television before 9pm would bring down civilisation. Now the government has decided the real threat to the nation’s youth is… scrolling. Not drugs, not gangs, not the fact that half of them can’t afford a house unless they marry into the Royal Family. No, the big menace is thumbs moving too freely on a screen. The latest plan, floated with the confidence of a minister who hasn’t spoken to an actual teenager since dial‑up, is to ban under‑16s from using social media altogether. According to the political mood music, the House of Lords is already on board, the Commons is warming up, and within a year we could see “highly effective age checks” rolled out across every platform. Because if there’s one thing the internet is famous for, it’s people telling the truth about their age. The idea is simple: protect children from doomscrolling, online bullying, and the kind of algorithmic rabbit holes that can turn a perfectly normal 14‑year‑old into someone who thinks the moon landing was faked by lizard people. And fair enough, the online world is a mess. But banning teens from social media is like banning adults from biscuits. It sounds noble, but the only guaranteed outcome is a thriving black market in Bourbons. We’re told this is all about wellbeing. Ministers speak solemnly about “addictive design features”, as if TikTok is a nicotine patch with dance routines. They promise “rapid implementation”, which is government‑speak for “we’ll get to it right after we’ve finished fixing the potholes, the NHS, and the economy”. Meanwhile, parents are being reassured that the state will finally step in and do what they’ve been trying to do for years: stop their children from staring at a glowing rectangle long enough to remember what their family looks like. But here’s the problem. Teenagers are better at technology than the people trying to regulate it. These are kids who can jailbreak a phone faster than a minister can say “consultation period”. They can set up VPNs, burner accounts, and entire digital identities before breakfast. If the government thinks a ban will keep them offline, it might want to have a quiet word with Australia, where a similar policy has mostly resulted in teenagers becoming experts in circumventing Australia. And then there’s the philosophical question: if you ban under‑16s from social media, who will teach the rest of us what the latest memes mean? Without teenagers, the cultural timeline collapses. Middle‑aged people will be wandering around saying “slay” in the wrong context. Society will crumble. Still, the government insists it’s acting “in months, not years”. Which is impressive, because that’s roughly the same timeframe in which a teenager can create a new account, get banned, create another, and become a micro‑influencer. If nothing else, this policy will give young people a valuable lesson in bureaucracy: no matter how fast you are, the government will always be at least three steps behind. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 2 March 2026 | 4:32 am

When Is Oat Milk Not Milk?

I’ve often wondered what keeps the highest legal minds in the land busy. I assumed it was weighty matters of constitutional importance or deciding who actually owns the rights to a "no-score-draw." It turns out, the UK Supreme Court has spent its week meticulously defining the word "milk." The Swedish company Oatly has just lost a long-running legal battle with Dairy UK. It’s all over Oatly’s attempt to trademark the slogan "Post Milk Generation." The Supreme Court has ruled that they can't have it. Why? Because under a bit of assimilated EU law, the kind we kept just for the nostalgia, presumably, the word "milk" is a protected "designation." To qualify as milk in the eyes of the law, the liquid must be a "normal mammary secretion." I don’t know about you, but that’s not a phrase I want to see on a café menu. "Would you like some normal mammary secretions in your Americano, sir? Or are you more of a squeezed-grain-water person?" It doesn’t exactly scream "luxury lifestyle." Nothing says ‘refreshing beverage’ like a phrase that sounds like it belongs in a vet’s report. Dairy UK, the trade association for people who deal in secretions, argued that using the word "milk" in any context for a non-dairy product is "oblique and obscure." They’re worried we’re all so dim that if we see the words "Post Milk Generation" on a carton of oat drink, we’ll immediately think, "Ah, finally! Milk that comes from a post!" The judges agreed. They said the slogan doesn’t "clearly" describe the product as being milk-free. Instead, they said it describes the consumers, specifically a younger generation who are "concerned" about dairy. So, you can be a "Post Milk" person, you just can't drink a "Post Milk" drink. It’s the kind of institutional logic that makes your brain itch. The court even came up with a hypothetical analogy: a "Post Alcohol Generation" drink. They said that wouldn't clearly tell you if the drink was alcohol-free or just low-alcohol. I’d argue that if I’m in a "Post Alcohol" phase of my life, the last thing I want is a drink that’s "obliquely" trying to get me hammered. What’s truly magnificent is the selective nature of the ban. Oatly is banned from using the trademark on food and drink, but they are allowed to keep it on their T-shirts. Apparently, the law assumes that while you might accidentally drink a T-shirt thinking it’s a pint of semi-skimmed, the risk is statistically low enough to be permitted. We’re living in a world where the government can't fix a pothole or find a bin man who works on Tuesdays, but we have five Supreme Court justices, Lords Hamblen and Burrows among them, spent months ensuring that your oat juice doesn’t get ideas above its station. It’s about "fair competition," apparently. Because nothing says "fair" like the massive dairy industry using international regulations to bully a Swedish company over a three-word slogan. If we’re going to be this pedantic, we need to go all the way. I want "Coconut Milk" rebranded as "Tropical Nut Sweat." I want "Milk of Magnesia" renamed "Chalky Tummy Slurry." And let’s not even get started on "The Milky Way." If there isn't a giant cow floating in the vacuum of space, I’m calling the Intellectual Property Office. But don’t worry, as a middle-aged man whose knees make a noise like a bag of crisps every time I stand up, I’m clearly not part of the "Post Milk Generation" anyway. I’m part of the "Could Really Use a Sit Down" generation. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 17 February 2026 | 4:18 pm

This New Year, DO NOT RESOLVE!

Happy New Year. Or, as I like to call it, the week we all collectively agree to lie to ourselves. Every January 1st, we decide that the version of us that’s been fueled by cheese boards and cheap Prosecco for three weeks is suddenly going to become an Olympic-level athlete. We sign up for the gym, a place that, for the rest of the year, is just a building we walk past while feeling slightly guilty and we buy enough kale to fill a compost heap. The New Year’s resolution is a fascinating scam because we are both the con artist and the mark. We tell ourselves, “This is the year I learn Mandarin,” when we haven’t even mastered the art of putting the laundry away in the same week it was washed. The gyms love it, of course. Their entire business model relies on you paying for a year-long membership in a moment of madness and then never showing up again. You’re essentially paying a monthly fee for the right to say, “I really should go to the gym,” which is a very expensive form of self-flagellation. By February, the kale has turned into a liquid at the bottom of the fridge, and the only "running" we’re doing is running out of excuses. But don't worry, next year will be different. We'll tell ourselves the same lie, and we’ll believe it again. It’s the ultimate triumph of hope over experience.  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 1 January 2026 | 10:47 am

Crocodile Not Dundee: Britain’s Latest Wildlife Panic

There are certain things you expect to find in a British canal. Shopping trolleys. Traffic cones. The occasional rogue sofa. What you don’t expect is a crocodile. And yet, here we are. Local police recently issued what they described as their “strangest appeal ever” after reports of a crocodile lurking in a Derbyshire canal. Not exactly the tropical climate they’re used to, unless the reptile was drawn by the promise of Greggs and a decent pint. Naturally, the public did what the British public does best in moments of crisis: they panicked, speculated wildly, and posted blurry photos online. One image showed what looked suspiciously like a log with commitment issues. Another was clearly a discarded inflatable from someone’s stag do. But facts never get in the way of a good urban legend. Plus, be it a croc or a stag do, you’re happy if you can avoid it on your night out. The police, to their credit, took the matter seriously. They issued a statement urging caution and asking anyone with information to come forward. Presumably they were hoping for a local zookeeper, or at least someone who’s watched more than three episodes of Steve Irwin: Croc Files. Instead, they got a wave of TikTokers turning up with drones, fishing rods, and one bloke dressed as Bear Grylls who tried to wrestle a traffic cone. Also, well done to the fishing rod guy. I wish I had that level of misplaced self-confidence. It’s moments like these that remind you just how British our approach to danger really is. America gets alligators in swimming pools and responds with helicopters and SWAT teams. We get a rumoured crocodile in a canal and respond with sarcasm, disbelief, and a petition to name it “Colin.” Is that because we Brits are so different to the Americans, or is that one of the differences between crocodiles and alligators? Alligators swim in fresh water, whereas crocodile illicit a piss-taking response. Of course, the crocodile turned out to be a hoax. Or a misidentification. Or possibly a hallucination brought on by too much WKD Blue. The police concluded there was “no credible evidence” of a reptilian menace. Which is a relief, unless you’re the crocodile, in which case it’s a bit of a snub. Which is also one of the differences with an alligator. But the story raises important questions. Like: why do we keep imagining exotic animals in British settings? We’ve had panthers in Cornwall, wallabies in Cumbria, and now crocodiles in Dudley. It’s as if the nation collectively decided that Countryfile wasn’t spicy enough. Every few years people say there’s a lion on the loose in Essex and it’s always a normal ginger cat sat a bit closer than the photographer realised. Maybe it’s escapism. Or maybe we just really want to believe that our canals are more exciting than they are. After all, if you’ve ever walked along one, you’ll know they’re mostly just damp corridors for joggers and ducks with attitude. Still, I say let’s lean in. Let’s embrace the madness. Next time someone spots a giraffe in Grimsby or a kangaroo in Kent, let’s not question it. Let’s give it a name, a backstory, and a Twitter account. Because in a world full of grim headlines, sometimes you need a crocodile in a canal to remind you that Britain is still gloriously, eccentrically bonkers. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 27 October 2025 | 5:41 pm

One In, One Out, One Back In...

It’s a fun story, if only mathematically. An asylum seeker who was sent back to France under the “one in, one out” scheme has come back to Britain in a small boat. It raises some interesting questions. Does it mean that the guy who came over here as part of his “one in, one out” now has to go back? Is there a “one out, one in” clause? If he now gets deported again do we have to take another one back in return? That’s the biggest worry because it would then be possible to have one guy going to and from France and that could slowly empty the nation. Maybe that’s why France was willing to sign this deal. They had a guy who was willing to keep making the trip. The scheme wasn’t looking great anyway. It was a slow start with very low numbers. It is only a pilot scheme and for a while it was true that it had sent more pilots to France than deportees. For a while, due to rules about people coming to the UK being able to bring family, there were more people who had come into this country than had left. That, in itself, may not be a problem, but it was called “one in, one out”. Even someone scraping a D at GCSE Maths can work out what ratio stats we should expect. It seems that no one had planned for this eventuality. That’s almost the biggest sin. How could they not have seen this coming? If there is one thing we know about people who travel illegally from France who are then returned to France, they know how to travel illegally from the place they have just been sent to. It was bad timing, politically. This news broke on the same day the number of migrant arrivals via the English Channel so far this year passed the total for the whole of 2024. And it’s not even Christmas, even though you’d never know that if you look in shops. It’s a running total of 36,886, beating last year’s 36,816. Maybe it won’t go higher than that if Storm Benjamin can be persuaded to stick around till January. The man who came back to the UK said it was because he didn’t feel safe in France. There’s a bit to unpack there. Does he feel safer in the UK? Has he seen all the news about knife crime? I mean, he has a point if he’s talking about the traffic around Arc de Triomphe, I’ll give him that. He said, “When we were returned to France we were taken to a shelter in Paris. I didn't dare to go out because I was afraid for my life.” It can feel pretty rough in Paris. Especially around Guard du Nord because there are lots of illegal mig… oh, hang on. But to take his point more seriously, he added, “The smugglers are very dangerous. They always carry weapons and knives. I fell into the trap of a human trafficking network in the forests of France before I crossed to the UK from France the first time.” So, that evidence suggests this will happen again. People who use gangs to get to the UK will fall foul of the gangs when they’re back in France. Just 42 people have been returned to France so far under the agreement. Given the name, “one in, one out”, we can see just how far out it’s drifted. It’s 36,886 in, 42 out, 1 back in. This story is across most of the front pages (Thursday 23rd October) and it is telling that not one of them has found a positive spin on this. The Guardian, the Metro, etc. That shows this isn’t a party political issue. By definition we are not talking about a successful asylum applicant, and therefore we don’t need to discuss what role the UK should play in helping those needing refuge. If you have failed in your application and been deported to France we know we’re talking about someone who shouldn’t travel to the UK in a boat. For balance I should mention that Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood said the Labour government had detained and removed more than 35,000 people illegally in the UK. So that’s (36,886-35,000) in, (42-1) out. 1886/41. That’s 46 in, one out. Not as catchy though, is it? Read more like this on Steve N Allen's Stacked » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 22 October 2025 | 7:26 pm

Podcast: Radio-Free Day 1

The end of an era. The podcast that has been running for years has been a product of the Time 107.5 radio show broadcast in London and Essex. Well, the radio station has been sold and that brings to an end the daily broadcasts. Going forwards, the podcast is changing. Now freed from the format of the radio show and the control of Ofcom, the podcast will now become a review of the news in a longer format, more interaction and possibly video coming soon too. Meanwhile, here's the first episode of the new format. Radio-Free Day 1. 🔊 In this episode: • Would someone cheat on Margot Robbie? • P Diddy’s back, oh great • Who’s more polite, men or women? • Is the Online Safety Act making you go to Amsterdam? • and something about the new PPI • Plus other nuggets from the news in podcast form. Subscribe on Spotify 💻 Follow on X/Insta/TikTok/Threads/BlueSky it’s @mrstevenallen for all. 📹 YouTube is http://youtube.com/@mrstevenallen 📖 NEW Substack is https://mrstevenallen.substack.com/ 📧 And email to me@mrstevenallen.co.uk with any comments, questions or listeners’ emails. ☕ Care to tip your host? Wouldn’t that be nice? https://ko-fi.com/mrstevenallen Now, get the podcast on Twicth, as it's being recorded... » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 8 August 2025 | 5:13 am

How To Get A Free Car

The Motability scheme is the latest part of the welfare system to be caught up in scandal. It’s the system that offers essential support to individuals with severe physical or mental disabilities. Some people need a car or motorised wheelchair to remain independent and Motability uses tax-payer money to make that happen. But it’s 2025 so of course it’s being abused. It has ballooned since COVID and now costs the UK £600million-a-year. There are even people on TikTok boasting that they can teach you how to play the system. It was better when TikTok was mainly annoying dance routines and people trying to swallow detergent for likes. This has resulted in some people with what I think we can call “not severe” issues who still manage to get a cheap car. Data that was released in response to a Parliamentary Question reveals that there were 20 people on the scheme who qualified because they have constipation. Surely that’s the wrong way round. If you had diarrhoea you’d be in greater need to get home quickly. If you have constipation you have time on your hands to use slower public transport. In fact, I only go on UK trains when I have constipation so I know there’s no chance I’ll have to use the onboard toilet. If I have to use our rail network I have a huge block of cheese and two Imodium first. 40 people got financial help to buy a car because they have tennis elbow. I don’t know if that Emma Raducanu but even if it did she still probably wouldn’t look happy about it. Do you use your elbow that much while walking? Only if you’re one of those odd-bod speed walkers. But you use your elbow more when you steer a car, so again, this makes no sense. 7,460 for a car because they have depressive disorder. I know that’s a wide range of conditions but I don’t think someone who might have the thought, “I can’t take it any more. Good bye cruel world,” needs to be put behind a ton of metal that can drive near me. Of course obesity makes the list. 800 people got a car because of their obesity. What’s one of the best exercises you can do that can help with weight? Walking. There are other conditions on the list that I’m sure warrant a cheap car. The list includes ADHD/ADD and OCD. If they don’t get a BMW or at least and MG we’ve missed a trick. There were 770 cases where people who struggle with alcohol misuse were given cars. To drive. What’s thinking here? Get people on the road who might be doing it under the influence. They may have accidents and that will mean more people need to use the Motability scheme? Are they making sure they won’t go out of business? 10 people got a discount car for a condition called “failure to thrive”. Steady on. If that’s enough to get you help everyone other than the top richest will be owed a car. Many, indeed most of the 589,000 claimants may have had valid claims but that’s no reason to let the dodgy claims go. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 9 July 2025 | 5:59 pm

What Labour Is Getting Wrong - Again

Many newspapers have given us a look at the situation the Labour Party finds itself in. Reading in The Guardian, we might say congratulations to Sir Kier Starmer for managing to create another no-win scenario. Star Trek fans will know this as a Kobayashi Maru. In fact this is more of a Star Wars story because it's all about a rebellion. At least 108 Labour MPs have promised to rebel and vote down the Government's welfare reform bill. That's a lot. You can't threaten to remove the whip from that many of your MPs. That way you could shrink yourself down to the third smallest party in the house. That opens up outcome 1: What if Labour lost this? While it's not a confidence, vote situation the level of embarrassment could be a political puncture under the plimsoll line. Thankfully for Keir outcome 1 isn't likely. It would take all the rebels and the opposition to actually oppose and that's not what's on the cards. The front page of The Telegraph we see that Kemi Badenoch has offered to back the PM to get this bill through. It comes with conditions but they're actually a trap. She said she'd lend her party's votes as long as Labour promised to bring down the welfare bill and to promise no make tax increases. The first one is something Labour go on about all the time, so of course they'll agree to that. But if they agree to the second it'll be a rod that is used to beat them. All signs are looking like there will need to be some form of tax increase. If Labour does this, at the moment, it goes against what it promised in their manifesto. If Kemi can get another promise out of them there's more weight to add to the attack that will happen every Wednesday in Prime Minister's Questions. That makes outcome 2 a win with the support of the Tories, which is a trap-filled political embarrassment. Outcome 3 is winning the vote without Tory help but it still leaves so many backbenchers at odds with the party. The story of recent UK party politics is all about dealing with the divisions within the party. The pro/anti-Europe sections of the Tories eventually led to the Brexit vote, which regardless of your thoughts on the results, we can all say it didn't heal the rift for the Conservatives. It's slowly evolved into the Reform UK issue. Labour is dealing with the pragmatists, of which Keir Starmer seems to be one, and the ideologues. Without the pragmatic element you have a Jeremy Corbyn world where you end up saying, “Well, we lost the election but we won the argument.” That's great if you were in a sixth form debate but you have to realise you were in an election, so winning it was the goal. It's like saying, “Well, we lost that game of foot ball, but we did really well at eating the pieces of orange.” Pragmatism should be the solution but Keir Starmer seems to have found an extreme version of it where he ignores the feelings of those with ideals. It's true that you don't “need” to worry about it while you have a huge majority but that doesn't last forever. It's led to bad execution of good ideas. Millionaire pensioners don't need to have the taxpayer helping out with their gas bills, so means testing the winter fuel allowance is a good idea. However, they manage to execute it by hitting pensioners on £14k a year. If there is a loophole letting rich people use farms to cheat the inheritance tax system find a way to fix it without hitting all farmers. If there's an issue with the investigation into grooming gangs don't dismiss it because you think you can, only to later do what people were asking for. It now looks like there will be a compromise. Of course. That was outcome 4 which was the only one left all along. The lesson here is to explore your outcomes in reverse order and maybe, just maybe, try to do the right thing without causing yourself all that damage. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 26 June 2025 | 4:20 am

Sydney Sweeney's Celebrity Hot Soap

I have often said that toiletries are the worst gift but that was before a new one hit the market. American actress Sydney Sweeney is selling bars of soap infused with her actual bathwater. I don’t know a lot about the process of making soap. I have seen Fight Club but I’m guessing she process is a little more artisanal. In fact I’m fairly sure she doesn’t do any of it herself. She’s teamed up with a soap company, Dr. Squatch, to make a limited edition called “Sydney’s Bathwater Bliss”. Sadly, for anyone wanting to stock up, there were only five thousand bars made. I remember the days when if you wanted to be the kind of dirty old man who got all hot under the collar about a young woman’s bath water you had to do it on the sly. You’d have had to sneak in and scoop a cup before it swirled down the plughole. These days, like everything, you just click ‘add to basket’. The Sydney soap sold out in seconds, proving that there is no limit to what people will buy if it has even the faintest whiff of fame attached to it. Maybe “whiff” is the wrong word. I’m sure it smells like soap. She’s not Gwyneth Paltrow. Each bar only contains a few droplets of her bathwater. I’m fairly sure you wouldn’t notice their presence. Maybe you could find traces of her DNA, so if you’re planning on framing Sydney for a crime this could be the purchase you’re looking for. But if you want to feel that you have somehow bathed with her, you’re not hitting the mark. The soap has a few traces of her bathwater but thanks to our water companies your own tap water probably has traces of some sewage, so they cancel out. Sense and logic probably aren’t the main motivating forces behind these purchases. There has been such high demand that the bars are now available on eBay costing thousands. For that much money you could probably have a bath with an actual actress. Ingredients also include exfoliating sand and pine bark extract. I would have suggested verbena, pomegranate maybe even a little vanilla. Basically anything that’s edible given that I’m sure a few of the guys that buy it will be licking it. While this news story makes me despair for the future of humanity and proves we’re more fame and sex obsessed than ever before, there’s one part of me that’s happy about it. If this means more people are buying and using soap, my trips on public transport could be slightly nicer. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 23 June 2025 | 4:09 pm

The Vegan Apocalypse

Do you have your apocalypse plan ready? I have to admit I don’t, but I also haven’t sorted out my pension, so that shouldn’t come as a surprise. In fact, not being ready for the apocalypse might mean I won’t have to worry about reaching my pension years, so maybe it’ll all work out. Professor Tim Lang, a professor of food policy, has told the government we should be ready in case our computers get hacked, Russia attacks, or something else horrible happens. The coronavirus pandemic was good training. We all know how to panic-buy like we’re in the Supermarket Sweep final. Tim, however, thinks there’s one group that needs special consideration. He said we need to think about vegans when catering for the apocalypse. I think that means we’re misunderstanding what an apocalypse is. I agree that vegans need to be catered for when you invite them to a dinner party. The onus is on you to ensure you have the right food if you’re hosting on a Saturday night. But if you’re living in a barren, post-apocalyptic dystopia where we have to get by on scraps, I think we all have a responsibility to be less picky. I don’t like green olives, but if the alternative was not eating that month, I’d probably shut up about it. If we’re in an underground bunker and I share my meagre rations with you, I don’t expect you to look at the ingredients list and say, “Oh, there’s gelatin in this?” in a judgemental way. Professor Tim Lang said that if people are “in psychological shock, they need to have things they are familiar and comfortable with.” I agree, but when you’re hunting with a sharpened broomstick for food, it’s less about comfort. If the apocalypse we’re facing is a zombie one, I note that if you get caught and turned into a zombie, you’ll be eating brains. No one stays vegan through the whole apocalypse, one way or another. I know it’s a common trope for comedians to mock vegans, and I respect the lifestyle during times of plenty. But when things get really bad, you might have to rethink your priorities rather than expect everyone to help you through Armageddon. I feel sorry for people with gluten intolerance. They’re often grouped with vegans in the category of “difficult people to have around for dinner,” yet they don’t get a mention in the guidance given to ministers. They’ll have to spend their apocalypse feeling gassy and bloated while the vegans get special treatment. In the end, apocalypse or not, we’re all just trying to survive – vegans, the gluten-free and olive-haters alike. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 1 June 2025 | 6:13 pm

Farts On A Plane

There has been a lot of talk about e-gates recently. With closer ties to the European Union, could it be possible for the British traveller to land without having to queue up with the rest of the world? I don’t know why we’re so bothered. We Brits are famously good at queuing, so the international arrivals gate is a chance to show off what we can do. It might catch on, and everyone could learn how to queue. It would be our greatest gift to the world. I’m not sure I’d benefit from the e-gate access. I have the kind of generic face that causes problems with airport facial recognition software. Even I’ll admit I look like every e-fit of a thug you see in newspapers, so it’s no wonder the system wants to run a few checks before it lets me in. Even if we get this special gate access I think I may never fly again. Another change to aviation was mooted this week. Some plane manufacturers have looked at two-tier seating. That sounds like I’m going to make a comment about Sir Keir Starmer’s legal system. As if I would! It’s not even a plan to have two levels like a double-decker bus. The plan is to have alternate rows of seats set at different heights. Obviously the motivation behind this isn’t about the passengers’ comfort; it’s about finding a way to cram more people in to make more money for the company. If they could have us lying in tubes, head to feet like the grandparents in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, they would. There was instant pushback. Many people have spotted that if the seat part of one row is at the eye-level of the row behind it, you have a direct path to the wind of the person in front. It’s not an idle threat because the slightly lower air pressure while at high altitude means we’re all more likely to have a little bottom burp. If you’re sitting on the lower row, that will be what you’re breathing. You’ll be praying for the oxygen mask to drop to get you a break. Due to denser air sinking, the people on the bottom row really get the worst of it. It will earn the companies more money, but they will have to spend more on the sick bags we all get through. In researching this I learned that air on a plane is recycled, so even without these seats you’re breathing in the gaseous output of everyone else on that flight. This two-tier seating system simply speeds it up. Now that’s progress. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 26 May 2025 | 5:56 am

UK Claims World’s Oldest Woman

While the USA gets to boast about the first American pope we in the UK get to claim a different victory. A British lady named Ethel Caterham is now officially the oldest person in the world. Ethel is 115, but doesn’t look a day over 105. As always happens in these news stories, Ethel was asked what the secret to living such a long life is. Her advice is to never argue with anyone. That feels like it is good advice if you live in a time where duelling is common. Most of my rows these days are with conspiracy theorists on social media and very few are resolved with actual combat, so I think I’m safe. The actual secret to being the world’s oldest person is being a woman. We gents never get to win that one or even get on the medal podium. It’s basically genetics but we don’t like that answer. The news loves to ask these superannuated people their secret to old age and they always say something about drinking every day or eating whatever you want. If those behaviours made you live longer do you now how many 100-year-olds there’d be? The postal service would collapse under the strain of all the royal telegrams. On her 115th birthday, Ms Caterham received not just a telegram but a letter from the King congratulating her on a "truly remarkable milestone". I don’t know if she’ll get one every year now but eventually she’ll get bored and think, “This could’ve been an email.” She was born on the 21st of August 1909, which means she is the last surviving subject of Edward VII. She must have lost count of how many Prime Ministers she’s lived though, although thanks to the last Government a lot of us did. The new record has been confirmed by Guinness World Records and LongeviQuest, a database of the world's oldest people. It is impressive but one news source pointed out she lived through the sinking of the Titanic, World War One, the Russian Revolution, the Great Depression and World War Two. She wasn’t on the Titanic so it’s just a coincidence that these things happened concurrently with her. By the same logic I lived through two Iraq wars and Brighton’s West Pier burning down and yet I look quite good considering. But Ethel is right. Maybe not the secret to a long life but to a happy life is not arguing with people. Her full answer was, "Never arguing with anyone, I listen and I do what I like." However long we’re here for, that is a good way to live your life. » Read the source story  | ☕ TIP (Help by donating)  | 📻 LISTEN (to the new radio podcast)  | 📺 WATCH (YouTube) ➡📺 Try Amazon Prime Video for FREE for 30 days 📺⬅

Posted on: 13 May 2025 | 8:59 am